The act of starting can feel paralyzing. I know first hand because I’ve spent days, months and even years agonizing how, when, what to start.
As a full time musician and creative freelancer, the energy and time I have in any given day is precious. When it came to starting my next endeavor— whether it be releasing a new single, to recording a YouTube cover, or even posting a TikTok— my ‘monkey brain’ always jumped in with a wave of thoughts that led me to abandon starting all together due to analysis paralysis, and instead wasted hours of my day.
Why?
What makes the act of starting a creative project, or anything for that matter, so hard? The more people I share my internal struggle with, the more commonalities I discover in our experience. This feeling of resistance towards ‘starting’ often times stems from our fears. Our insecurities.
“Why bother producing and releasing a new single if no one will hear it or care to listen?”
“Why record a YouTube video if I only have a hundred or so subscribers?”
“I don’t even understand TikTok, why am I wasting hours of my day recording a cover of a trending song I don’t even like?”
I hate to admit it, but I’ve listened to my own fear and let my insecurities get the best of me for far too long. As my sister put it, “action beats anxiety” and in this moment I’m choosing to take action.
Precious energy and time wasted analyzing every step to take in hopes of achieving an ideal result, or how to best proceed with a perfectly tailored plan (which doesn’t exist!), is time that could instead be poured into actually overcoming said fear by simply doing, even if imperfectly. Sitting down to write this first blog post is my ‘f*ck you’ to the fears and insecurities that have had me paralyzed for far too long.
I've found other small actions to take to overcome fear throughout this past week that I'm proud of. One of my goals this year is to find an authentic way to be present and engage on my social media accounts. Usually what happens is I get swept away trying to figure out how to make the production value of my post stellar (with all the fancy lights, sound and video editing equipment we often see and hear in other creators/musicians posts). Instead, I let go of those expectations (that frankly no one else put on me except myself) and focused on sharing what I actually enjoy most about being a musician and creative-- the music!
If you find your way to my latest IG reels and TikTok posts, you won't see masterfully edited videos but rather, snippets of songs that have brought me joy to perform at my recent gigs or at home on my comfy green couch.
I can't skip ahead and create the perfectly polished and “finished products” I envision without participating in the reality of the process, which is often messy, intimidating and grueling.
But similar to so much of life, there is beauty amidst the chaos. If we can be brave enough to take action, in all of its imperfections, we may surprise ourselves with what we can accomplish and create.
So surprise yourself. I dare you.
I'm surprising myself and have found liberation in the process.
Here's to messy starts and beautiful journeys,
M